A few days after the Beachy Head marathon I was sitting thinking about my next running goals and realised that I didn’t really have any in mind, nor the motivation.
I think the marathon took its toll on me in more ways than I care to think of. I think on reflection I understood how isolating it can be completing that type of distance in those conditions and coming in much later than others from the club. Previously if I was not running at races I was always on hand to cheer the last club member in over the finish line regardless, I was not sure if I was expecting the same in return but I also now understand that after a gruelling race how nice it is to be cheered over that line, so thank you to the few that stayed.
It made me re-evaluate my running since the end of the marathon . I had always put others in the club before myself, I was not competitive enough to push myself forward I allowed others to overtake me. If I was not running I wanted to cheer on the fastest runners and those who came through at the end, this often meant being out for a lot longer than I should be. I thought those who were coming in at the end deserved the biggest cheers and I know how it feels if nobody is there doing that, it stings.
I need to turn over a new leaf, be a bit more selfish as I am obviously not doing the right thing by me right now.
I think next year will be my final year as race secretary, if I can get out of the role before then I will do. It has affected my training and I have had to put a heck of a lot of people in front of me as priority, if I need to improve I have to come first, project me needs to continue.
Club nights are great but I am finding them more and more difficult, my training needs are now not often aligned with those I had been running with and as a result I run on my own, well I can do that from home and get it over and done with, without the pressure or the politics that come with being part of a club.
So what do I do? Do I become yet another selfish runner just looking after myself or give myself up to meet the needs of others and resign myself to the fact I am just not going to meet any future goals even if I set them? Am I just disillusioned because I felt so isolated at the end of the marathon? Is this normal? Answers on a postcard please.